Questions and Answers

Putting the Pieces of the Puzzle Together…

Here are some of the most FAQ’s I have received so far!  Please feel free to send me your questions. And remember, there are no silly, stupid or unimportant questions. Someone else is probably wondering the same thing you are! I will post the question and answer and you will remain anonymous, of course!

Dear Mavis…


Q: I find it difficult to initiate sex since I’ve never had to. How do I let my hubby know I really desire him sexually?

A: Many women struggle in this area of their sex lives. The short answer is to learn to initiate. The more in-depth answer is this. First, try hard to lose the embarrassment. I know that’s easier said than done. But you must do it. If not, you will never take the first step. It’s similar to learning to speak up for your needs. Think back to when you first spoke up and shared what you wanted sexually. That took courage but you did it. Use that same courage to initiate sex. You can also think about the ways your husband initiates sex with you and see what feels right. Get prepared in whatever way you do. Start with a massage. Then soft kisses. Get into it. and please don’t overthink it. Just relax, and go for it.

Q: My husband and I love using sex toys to get us excited before sex. Is this wrong? What does the Bible say about it?

A: Since sex toys weren’t around, as far as we know, when the bible was written, it doesn’t contain any specific language about the use of toys. However, 1 Corinthians 6:12 says, “Everything is permissible for me.” According to Intimate Issues (1999), you can ask yourself these three questions to determine if something is permissible: 1) Is it prohibited in scripture? 2) Is it beneficial? And 3) Does it involve anyone else. If the answers are no, it is permitted. You can also look at the use of toys like you would eye glasses: they help to enhance your sight, just as sex toys can help enhance your sex life.

Q: I was taught that oral sex was dirty and a sin, but my husband was taught that it was a natural part of lovemaking. Is there a scripture in the bible that calls it a sin?

A: There is no scripture in the bible that says oral sex is dirty or a sin, so you can relax. However, that doesn’t make it right or wrong. Everything about your sex life is not going to be contained in the bible. That’s where research by Christian authors comes in, to fill in the blanks or gaps. Clifford and Joyce Penner, authors of The Gift of Sex share two scriptures that contain veiled references to oral sex, I) Song of Solomon 2:3, “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. Fruit refers to male genitals. And 2) Song of Solomon 4:16, “Awake O north wind and come thou south. Blow upon my garden that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat his pleasant fruits. Garden refers to a woman’s genitals.

In addition, Dr. and Mrs. Ed Wheat, authors of Intended for Pleasure, share that oral sex is a matter that concerns only the husband and wife involved. So, if it feels right do it!

Q: Is sexual intercourse the only and right way for a woman to have an orgasm?

A: Absolutely not. As an advocate for women’s sexuality and pleasure, I have done a lot of research, read a lot of books, and read a bunch of articles, and the information is consistent. In addition, a recent survey in Ebony Magazine found that a whopping 75% of women have never been able to have an orgasm through intercourse alone. So, if this is your situation you are in good company, and more importantly, there is nothing wrong with you. If you want more information on ways you can experience orgasm, contact me at for a private conversation.

Question of the month: Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.” What does that scripture mean? Please post your answers on the contact page in the comments section.

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