Your intimate life may be taking a hit because of the way you think about it. What you were taught may be the driving force behind this distressing situation.
If you were bombarded with negative messages about sex, it’s quite possible they have taken root in the deepest part of you. Like roots of a tree they produce seeds after their own kind; seeds you may not be aware of that are expressing themselves in your inability to relax, accept, and enjoy your sexual experiences.
Beliefs start with thoughts planted into your mind, and to change your beliefs about sex you must change your thoughts about sex. Once you change your thoughts your intimate life will change and you will be on your way to delighting fully in sexual pleasure and fulfillment!
The Natural Order of Things
Thinking is a mind activity. It’s where everything starts. Your thoughts talk to and convince your beliefs that yes, this is a good thing; Your beliefs talk to your actions and convince them to put a move on it and start doing some stuff; your actions call on your passion and love for the thing which keeps you committed to it, and it all comes together in making your dreams a reality. All that simply from your thoughts. And the best part: This is a natural order.
The popular phrase, “Change your thoughts, change your life”, is the epitome of this process. Whatever you think will become your reality and whatever you focus on will grow. Mark 9:23 also states, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes” (NKJV).
To bring home the power of this concept I’ll share this. A few years back, my family and I had taken a road trip to Minnesota. It was my turn to drive and the territory as well as the roads were very unfamiliar to me. I was as nervous as a first-time driver! But I had to figure out a way to calm down so I could do my part. I had to change my thoughts.
What I did was imagined that the road was the 91 freeway, a road I know very well in my neck of the woods. Once I focused my thoughts on that, I relaxed and enjoyed a smooth, stress free drive all the way to the next state. It was an ideal solution; a solution that you can transfer to your intimate life and change the outcome.
If you think you can’t or you think you can, you’re right!
If your intimate life is less than ideal or if the sex you’re having sucks, one of the most vital things you can do is start to think a different way about it; a more positive way. Yes, I know you’ve been thinking one way for so long that you may believe you can’t think another way, but I beg to differ. I believe you can do anything you put your mind to. If you think you can, you can, “Change your thoughts, change your intimate life.”
Your thoughts control everything about you; How you express yourself to the world and in your sexuality. It comes in the form of negative and self-limiting beliefs. Beliefs that tell you:
- Sex is dirty
- Sex is a sin
- Sex is only for men to enjoy
- A woman shouldn’t enjoy sex too much
- And the ever damaging, “Walk in the spirit so you won’t fulfill the lust of the flesh.”
All of these things seep into your attitude about sex and turns it as sour as a lemon.
The great thing is all you need is an attitude adjustment. How can you get that? Simply by changing your mindset towards it. That effectively changes your feelings about it and approach to it. So, where do you start? By acknowledging the negative and not so pleasant thoughts you have towards sex, and learning sex positive messages about it.
How? This is the best part because it is so simple. Turn around every thought to its opposite:
- Sex is delightful
- Sex is to be enjoyed by both of us
- Sex is a gift from God
- This lust of my flesh is vital for attraction and chemistry toward my husband
It’s all about your willingness to learn something different.
Romans 12: 2 says, “Transform your mind.” It tells you to transform your mind, for you to do the work, for you to put in the effort, for you to find out how to do it. That means it’s your job. What’s next: Making a commitment to it.
Elevate Your Sexuality
One last thing. To make a change in the way you think about sex, requires you to make a change in the way you think about your sexuality.
Lori Brotto, a Mental Health professional, shares this technique you can use to re-frame (change) your thinking and elevate your sexuality. “First, sit in a way that’s comfortable and breathe deeply. As you breathe deeply to become centered and focused, tell yourself, “over and over like a mantra,” that you are an especially sexual woman, “capable of a high level of desire, a high level of response.”
And, she suggests you make a deliberate intent not only to listen to your body but also to interpret the signs from your body, i.e., any sensations, pulsating, arousal, etc., as signs of your sexual identity and awakening. So, your breathing is not just breathing through the pose; it is breathing because you are highly sexual. Then, sensation and self-image become linked. The reward comes as you become more connected and confident in seeing yourself as a sexual being.
The Sweet Spot
Thoughts and beliefs are at the center of your happiness and joy. If you can think it you can believe it. If you can believe it you will act on it. If you act on it you will have it. You will become more confident and feel more deserving of what comes your way. And you do deserve to delight in pleasure.
Just remember it all takes work and you must be willing to put in the effort it will take to achieve what you want. And anything worth its salt is going to take some tilling of your intimate ground to receive a harvest. My suggestion is to look at this as an investment in your dreams of a fulfilling sex life.
You now have an opportunity to discover your sweet spot through the power you have to “Change your thoughts and Change your sex life!”
If you are curious and want to learn more, I want to invite you to sign-up today for a complimentary coaching session with me. Simply click here.
Now it’s your turn to share your “thoughts”. Please leave a comment below.