Intimate E-Sensuals Marriage Mathematics

Let’s talk about Marriage

What is marriage?

Marriage is when two people, male and female, who have different opinions, thoughts, beliefs, and worldviews, decide to come together and try to fit square pegs into round holes, in order to try to make a life together that works for them both.

Why is marriage important?

Marriage is important because, 1. God ordained it, 2. To be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth, 3. To enjoy the gift of sex God gave to marriage without guilt, and 4. To stabilize and build strong individuals, which builds strong families, which build strong churches, which build strong communities, which build a strong and stable world.

Someone said you’re only happy in marriage 50% of the time. And the other 50%, you’re basically trying to figure out what the hell you got yourself into! Do you agree or disagree?

Tyler Perry has a movie titled, “Why did I get Married? On their retreat each person was asked to share why they got married.

People get married for different reasons: Some for love; some for finances; some for convenience; and some for purpose.

Some people think if you marry for finances or convenience, the marriage will fizzle out pretty quickly. Some think if you get married for love it will last forever. Then some say if you marry for purpose, it’s destined to be fulfilled no matter what.

Well the truth of the matter is, I’ve seen marriages of convenience and finance last a lifetime; I’ve seen marriages of pure love fizzle out pretty quickly; and I’ve seen marriages of purpose never get off the ground, let alone be fulfilled.

How do you do the Marriage Thing?

All that said, I want to share my concepts, thoughts, and ideas on the “Stages of Marriage and even add a timeline, so you can get a clearer view of the inner and outer workings, and apply what fits for you to help you build a long-lasting marriage.

Marriage Mathematics – Math concepts-Stages of Marriage

Stage 1 – Addition, Subtraction, Multiplication: The Honeymoon

Addition, the easiest; followed by subtraction and multiplication, which takes a different set of skills, but are equally as easy- The Honeymoon Stage-Lasts about 6 months -2 yrs.

Stage 2 – Division, Fractions, Alg 1, Geometry, Alg 2: The Power Struggle

Division, Fractions, Algebra 1, Geometry, Algebra 2-are next level difficulty. The Power Struggle Stage. People stay in this stage waaay too long. Lasts about 2- 15 yrs.

Stage 3 – Trig, Stats, Calculus: The Verge of Divorce

Trigonometry, Statistics, Calculus – the most difficult level. The Verge of Divorce Stage/lost, which is making a decision on if you want to stay together or not. If you decide to stay together you must forgive any hurts, disappointments, and betrayals, and sincerely pray to God. If you’re not sincere He will not answer your prayer. If you are, He will.

I believe part of marriage is being on the verge of divorce. Every married couple I have talked to has been here, including us! I never in a million years thought we would get there, but we did. How long it lasts: Depends…

Stage 4 – Formulas: The Mature Love

Formulas, are cheat sheets: The Mature Love Stage. When you both say, “Awww, what the hell. I’m stuck with you anyway so I might as well make the best of it.” Then something shifts and you begin to accept and appreciate each other for your differences and what you add to the marriage. Then all is well in Wonderland. This is where you want to stay. How long it lasts: Til death do you part.

So, what is the truth about marriage? How do you know if it’ll work or not? Well, you don’t. You could have the best laid plans but maybe they don’t work out. So, what do you do and what does all this mean?

What it all means is marriage is a choice; a choice to understand that there are no guarantees; a choice to stay when you want to throw in the towel; a choice to demonstrate love when the only thing you’re feeling is disgust, irritation, and whatever other emotions come with the marriage territory.

So, be sure when you make a choice to get married, you’ve thought it thru and are really ready to make that commitment. It can be a challenge but it can also be life-changing and beautiful.

The End Game

Lastly, don’t think just because you argue, fight, and disagree, and by fight I don’t mean any type of abuse, that it means the end of your marriage. No, it’s quite the contrary. Disagreements are necessary to help you and your spouse learn how to figure it all out and that helps you grow into healthy individuals, which creates a healthy long-lasting marriage.

Please leave a comment below about this post. We love hearing your feedback.

Intimate e-Sensuals: 7 Values Every Woman Should Own

Introducing the ‘Tool Kit’ of Must Haves for The Christian Wife. Your Tool Kit is loaded with tips, tools, information, and resources to help bring sexy and excitement back to your marriage!

Even before your man comes along to add to your life there are values every woman should own and below I have listed 7 of them to keep in your Tool Kit. You must strive to either come into your marriage packing these values or create these values in the midst of your marriage. Either way wholeness is the key to happiness. Invest in yourself first!

7 Values Every Woman Should Own

Be Attractive inside and out-Being attractive is not only about how you dress, make your face up, comb your hair, clean yourself, how you smell, but it’s also about how you “look” on the inside. Remember, what is on the inside will manifest itself on the outside. Inner traits like love, respect, value, and care.

Have standards-Don’t just date or marry anybody. Take time to figure out what type of person you want, what values matter to you, how stable he is, how he handles himself in a crisis. And most of all be the type of person you want to attract.

Have goals-Goals are things you want to accomplish in life whether it be a higher learning degree, a certain type of job, marriage, children, owning your own business, etc. Spend some time thinking about what will make your life better and what will take you to the next level.

Establish healthy boundaries-Many people had the hardest time with this because it takes courage to tell someone not to disrespect what is important to you. It takes practice to be able to teach people how to treat you.

Learn to communicate-It’s not always what you say but how you say it. Many men complain that women talk to them like they talk to their children and its extremely disrespectful to them. Learn how to speak with respect and love and by all means watch your tone!

Learn to be a partner-If you see your husband struggling with something and you’re better at it, offer to help him out with it. For example, finances. If you pay your bills on time and he’s always late with his, show him you care about his success in all areas by being a true helpmate.

Learn to take care of your business-No man wants a woman he has to take care of. It puts a lot of salt in the relationship and stress on him especially if he has trouble living up to her unrealistic expectation that it’s his job. No it’s your job to take care of your own business and to take unnecessary pressure off of him. He’ll love you for it!

Does God Even Care if You enjoy Sex with your Husband?

So, does God Even Care if You Enjoy Sex with Your Husband? Are you kidding me? Of course, He does! It’s His gift to marriage. Has anyone that’s ever given you a gift not wanted you to enjoy it? Have you ever given anyone a gift and not wanted them to enjoy it? You spend your time shopping for it or putting it together or designing it with care and love. Of course, you want the receiver to enjoy it. So why would you or anyone else think after God spent His time divinely designing something as wonderfully powerful and exquisitely pleasurable as His gift of sex to marriage, that He wouldn’t want you to enjoy it?

OK engage your logic and give that a little bit of thought…  You’ve come to the right place, MavisMcKnight.com and we are on a “Mission Possible!

Intimate e-Sensuals: God’s Perspective on Sex

If you DON’T believe in God this WILL NOT matter. If you DO believe in God this WILL matter. Your idea, your sister’s idea, your friend’s idea, your cousin’s idea, your mother’s idea, society’s idea, even the church’s idea! So many ideas about sex! But there’s only one idea that really matters and that’s God’s idea.

So what is God’s idea or perspective about sex?  Well, I will tell you. Sex is good and a gift from God to marriage between a man and a woman.

When Solomon and his wife were making love God appeared at their bedside and said “Imbibe deeply O Lovers, Imbibe.” That means to soak it up! Dr. Ed Wheat, a Christian physician says, “You have God’s permission to enjoy sex within your marriage. God invented it. He thought it up to begin with. You can learn to enjoy it, and you can develop a thrilling happy marriage.” God designed sexual intimacy to be a divine privilege and a magnificent experience between a husband and wife. Fulfilling sexual intimacy will ignite and add life to a marriage the way nothing else can. There you have it!

Body Beautiful, Body Ugly, Body Beautiful

Your husband didn’t stop desiring you, you stopped seeing yourself as desirable! Changes started happening to your body, you started putting on a little weight, a little more plumpness here and little more sagging there, and you started feeling some kinda way about it. You started projecting your own feelings and attitudes about your body onto your husband and started withdrawing from him, rejecting his advances, turning your back and wrapping the covers tighter and tighter around you creating your own personal cocoon. Next thing you know your husband is looking at other women or watching erotic stuff on his computer.

Your feelings are hurt and you show it with anger, irritation, sarcasm, body language and pure disinterest. I know it’s hard when you think your body isn’t perfect by your standards. Jada Pinkett Smith even has body issues!

There is something you can do about it: Make a vow to be as healthy as you can be. That’s a great place to start. You know what else you can do? Be willing to look yourself dead in the face and body and say, “I still love and accept you no matter what. You are beautiful, desirable, and sexy.” It will make all the difference in the world! Then apologize to your husband!

Do you want more tools for your toolbox?  Check out my article “7 Values Everyone Woman Should Own” and let me know what you think in the comment section.  Happy reading!

Intimate e-Sensuals: Mission Possible

Hello! We are on a mission to bring sexy and excitement back into the Christian marriage! I know sex is created and ordained by God and is a gift to marriage. Unfortunately, there are so many Christian marriages suffering because of all the negative information that has been put out there over the centuries and it’s time we started working to get rid of the negativity and replace it with positive God-centered info. We need to know what God really says about sex in marriage between a man and a woman so I will be posting information to start getting you more educated about it. My motto is “Learn About It. Talk About It. Be About It.” Sexual Intimacy God’s Way.

Let’s start it from the beginning. What does that really mean? It means Healthy, Sexy, Happy Relationships! Are you a happy wife or a sad wife? A happy wife understands healthy relationships, healthy boundaries, and healthy sex. To get there you have to start from ground zero, the foundation and work your way up. How? Be willing to find the thing that makes you feel beautiful inside and loving inside and valuable inside. Be willing to unleash unconditional self-love, uncompromising self-acceptance, and unceasing self-appreciation. If a woman isn’t happy with herself she certainly can’t and won’t enjoy anything that resembles sex or anything else in her relationship. Your happiness is all about you! Do you want to be happy? My hope is that you do.

Six Reasons God Created Sex

So many voices, so many opinions, so many negative comments about sex! It’s no wonder so many married Christian women don’t know what to believe about it! If you ask God why He created sex you think He wouldn’t have an answer? This is God we’re talking about. If you don’t know I will tell you. Intimate Issues lists six reasons God created sex: 1) To Create Life; 2) For Intimate Oneness; 3) For Knowledge; 4) As a Defense against Temptation; 5) For Comfort; 6) For Pleasure. And Laura Brotherson listed a few more excellent reasons: Expressing love, physical, emotional, spiritual bonding, and rejuvenating the mind, body, and spirit! WOW! After God created sex He said it was gooood!

Get a New Attitude about Sex

“What do you think about sex?” Where did you get your attitudes about it? What were you taught? Does your definition of sex include words like dirty, worldly, unladylike? Or do you associate sex with feelings of shame, embarrassment, and guilt?  If you’re like most women, you may have not learned anything positive or anything at all about sex from your mother. Unfortunately many mothers were too uncomfortable with their own sexuality to even talk about it with you. The Result? Negative conditioning that has been deeply internalized. This not only from your mother but also from the church! How in the world did so much negative press get attached to such a beautiful gift from God?

Dr. Laura Brotherson points out that a lack of godly perspective and the abundance of negatives and warnings regarding sex has led some to believe sex is not of God at all-but of Satan. Then societal conditioning adds to the problem with their bombardment of it on TV, videos, the Internet, books, magazines, movies, and music! As a believer with a strong relationship with God, be willing to get a new attitude about sex by receiving and embracing God’s idea about sex in marriage. Be careful not to dishonor God for the gift He has given you for your marital happiness.

I know this can be a tough subject to explore.  Check out my blog called “I Feel Your Pain”. Because I was where you are right now.  And there is hope for your situation.

Intimate e-Sensuals: I Feel Your Pain

I really do…

My hubby is so excellent in business. He spits out marketing and promotion ideas like there’s no tomorrow; In other words effortlessly. They just roll off of his tongue like they are a part of him, and they are.

I absolutely hate it whenever he starts to talk about business and what I need to learn to do. I start to feel disgusted in my gut and get sick on the inside because I have no idea how he expects me to be able to do learn all of that, let alone do it.

My stomach starts to tighten up and I start to feel so distressed and defeated because I simply don’t want to be bothered with that stuff. I can’t stand that feeling in my gut. I think, “This is getting on my nerves.” It makes me want to just put my head down on the table and say forget it. I feel defeated, depressed, disheartened, like the air has just been socked out of my being, like dragonflies are in my stomach, irritated, totally resistant to the idea of having to learn something else. I struggle with having to put the work into it and it not working right for me. I just sigh heavily and smack my lips. I feel down, my breathing increases, I get all defensive, and throw up barriers to what I know will only help me if I embrace it and decide to do the work. That’s what has stopped me this long from putting together my business.

When I realized all of these changes, feelings, and antics were going on with me just because I was dealing with an area that I was resistant to, I instantly connected them to how many Christian wives will feel or have felt when I talk to them about changing their mindsets and old beliefs about sex and learning to ask for what they want in the bedroom, and enjoying the pleasures of sexual intimacy with their husband.

So I feel your pain.

So how do you get over that?

  1. Slow yourself down enough to realize you need to breathe. Take 3-5 slow deep belly breaths. When you breathe in, your belly should inflate and push out. Focus on your belly to make sure you are breathing correctly. This will calm you down.
  2. Remind yourself that this is a natural reaction to anything you may perceive as different, stressful, or bothersome. Keep breathing.
  3. Access the thoughts that remind you why it’s important for you to do this, i.e., more fulfilling sex with your hubby.
  4. Hold these thoughts and create a vision in your mind of what that will look and feel like.
  5. Accept it as necessary for the success and well-being of your marriage, your sex life, and yourself.
  6. Act now and contact me for a 30 minute complimentary coaching call at askmavis@mavismcknight.com. I am available to you if you want to go deeper.
  7. Celebrate! Celebrate! Celebrate!

Do you want more tools for your toolbox?  Check out my article “7 Values Everyone Woman Should Own” and let me know what you think in the comment section.  Happy reading!

Act now and contact me or email me at askmavis@mavismcknight.com for your complimentary coaching call. This is what you can do for the good of your marriage and for your sexual life with your husband to be successful.